We’re talking deleted scenes today. Karalee Long is here to share one of hers and why.
Karalee:
BLURB:
Allie Blair, a divorced marriage counselor accused of murdering her ex-husband, tries to prove her innocence but unwittingly accepts the help of the man who wants to prove her guilt.
Greg Weston, a Denver homicide detective, vows to bring his cousin’s accused murderer, Allie Blair, to justice. To win her trust, he signs up for a class she’s teaching: “What Women Want.”
When Allie becomes a target of the actual killer, her sizzling chemistry with Greg ignites passion too hot to ignore. But Greg knows even if they survive, he’ll lose Allie when she learns he’s a cop.
DELETED SCENE (partial)
In this scene Allie is missing, and Greg fears the killer has her so he’s questioning everyone he thinks might know where she is.
“Hello, Mrs. Goode. I’m Greg . . .”
“I know who you are. What do you want?”
He’d just introduced himself, and she already sounded alienated. Was Melissa Zooker passing the word about him?
“I heard that your husband is missing, and . . .”
“How do you know that?”
“I was at the Tiller’s when you called Jake to see if he knew where your husband was.”
“Have you seen Nathan?” Mrs. Goode’s voice turned hopeful.
“No, ma’am, but I’d like to talk to you about Allie.”
“I heard she’s missing, too.” Mrs. Goode opened the door wider and stepped back, wiping her eyes.
He entered a small living room with an old, bulky TV in the middle of the wall to the right and perpendicular to the front door. Sitting on top of the TV was an eight by ten photo of a boy. He figured it was the child the Goode’s lost.
“That was Billy, our son. He was only ten when he left us. He’d be thirteen today.”
Greg started to offer his sympathy, but she kept talking.
“Nathan’s never been able to come to terms with it, and I-I’m so afraid he’ll . . .” she shook her head. “Hurt himself.”
Greg wanted to ask about Allie, but Mrs. Goode didn’t seem to be worried about her husband running into the killer. Following what she seemed to be worried about, he asked, “Does Mr. Goode have a gun?” She began to cry.
“Y-yes, and it’s gone.”
The base of his skull started tingling. Another missing man, and this one had a gun.
“What kind of gun?”
“I don’t know. I hate guns.”
Hating to press her, he asked, “So is it the kind with a long barrel like a rifle or . . .”
“No. It’s a pistol. I called the police, but they said not enough time has elapsed to file a missing person’s report.” She pulled a tissue from the pocket of her knee length shorts, wiped her eyes, and blew her nose.
“How long has your husband been gone?”
REASON FOR DELETION:
For one thing I had not paid attention to word count and greatly overwrote the story. Since Mr. and Mrs. Goode were secondary characters in a cast of many, it made sense to cut the length of time they were on stage. One of my writing weaknesses is having too many characters. I love putting characters on the page and then turning them into people with their own stories.
For more information on Karalee Long, check out her website.
BUY LINKS
I do think I may turn this into a series, but when I write a book, I’m really focused on that story. My problem was wanting to put too many suspects in this story. When I had to cut, I realized I didn’t need Nathan Goode to be yet another suspect, but I left enough back story on him and his wife to make them real.
I’m glad to know I’m not alone, Viola. Thanks for wanting to read it.
I’m glad to know I’m not alone, Viola. Thanks for wanting to read it.
I seem to have the same problem with my secondary characters. They really take over. I think the secret for me might be in writing the first book as an overview, then write the actual books that follow. That way you have all your backstory in place! Time might be an issue, however.What do you think?
Yes, but it STILL hurt!
Hi Karalee,
I have that same weakness. I’ve had to tone down secondary characters before. Looking forward to reading this!! It’s at the top of my TBR list.
Thank you for having me, Kathy. I like your idea of posting deleted scenes. It’s very difficult to cut words from our “babies.” Congratulations on getting the job done. I can empathize with you as I had to cut forty thousand words. It was during a very difficult time in my family so it took me a year. But I learned a lot about what was necessary and what wasn’t. The book was much tighter afterward. Do you feel that way about yours?
Thanks so much for coming by and sharing, Karalee. I just cut 10k from my current WIP. Yes, that’s what I said. TEN THOUSAND words. GONE!!! It’s like cutting out my heart. Oh, future blog posts, I say.