Deleting Scenes
Followers of my blog know I love movies. I especially love getting the DVD with extra features. One of the features I enjoy is deleted scenes with the director’s comments. I’ll watch first without the director to see if I can figure out why the scene was cut then watch 
again to see if I was right. I know they shoot many, many scenes and then whack away—sometimes because of time limitations and sometimes because the scene is redundant or slows down the story.
It’s somewhat the same when writing a book. The writer throws so much into the story then has to go back and whack away. That was very true for my romantic suspense One Red Shoe. The story started years ago (I hate saying how many) with a writing exercise at a Mid-Michigan RWA meeting. From there, my imagination took off.
When I decided to submit it to The Wild Rose Press, I carefully read the submission guidelines. One thing stood out. They want the point of view limited to the hero and heroine and if necessary a third character. So I asked my friend who is an editor for TWRP how strict were they. The answer? Pretty strict. I cringed. I had nine. To me, it made the story more interesting getting into those characters’ heads. Recently, there was a mini-discussion on Facebook over multiple POVs and the consensus seemed to be that being in too many characters’ heads was too confusing.
So I had to ask myself who did I want to please—the reader or myself? I sure didn’t want to confuse the reader. My solution? Whack away. Well, not totally. I rearranged certain scenes so that they were in one of the four major character’s POV. Was that ever hard! Some scenes just had to be deleted.
Here’s a scene that had to go. The setup for this scene: When Daria and Sam, on the run from Russian assassins, escape from a safe house, she surprises one of the assassins—his pants down preparing to squat. She straight-arms him and knocks him into the bushes. The results are in his POV.
Ivan Korioff stood on the other side of the hedge. He was still shaking. And his chest hurt where the woman hit him. Bitch. When he caught up with her, he’d make her pay.
His cell phone vibrated on his hip. He didn’t need to check the lighted display to know it was Yuri.
How was Ivan going to explain he’d let the American spy and his bitch get away? It was all Yuri’s fault. He wouldn’t stop even though Ivan said he needed to relieve himself. But Yuri was angry about missing Jozwiak at the hotel. He didn’t even thank Ivan for getting the information about the woman’s car. Ivan hated to waste American dollars on bribes. But Yuri said in America money always worked better than torture. Ivan reluctantly agreed after the way the valet’s eyes lit up when Ivan added a second bill.
Did Yuri praise him for getting a complete description of the car—make, color, license? No. Did Yuri praise him for learning about the break-in at a doctor’s house? No. Yuri would complain to Ivan’s father about his latest failure to capture Jozwiak.
Ivan shuddered to think what his father would do. From the time Ivan was eight years old, his father made him watch as underlings were tortured—sometimes for mere infractions. Ivan needed to think quickly. Yuri was sure to drive around—the old man never walked if he didn’t have to.
Yuri must have heard the commotion from inside his luxury American automobile. He would expect that Ivan captured the thief. Yuri would come and check.
Ivan walked down the path where Jozwiak had hidden the car. Staying in the shadows, he checked the street. No one was coming. Ivan sprawled on the sidewalk, gritted his teeth in preparation for the pain, and slammed his head on the cement.
This is how I salvaged this scene:
“What happened?” Yuri asked when he helped Korioff up off the sidewalk.
“Jozwiak.” Korioff moaned. “The woman.”
Yuri helped the heir apparent to a powerful crime syndicate into the car. When Korioff touched the back of his head and moaned again, Yuri retrieved a chemical ice pack from the First Aid kit under the seat. Those Americans invented the most useful items. Give the bag a twist and a shake and it became cold without refrigeration. Amazing.
Later, when grilled on the phone by Ivan’s father, Yuri wonders whether he faked the injury.
From this scene and many others, I learned that I could get the same information across while staying in one of the four main characters’ points of view. A secondary character was so intriguing (to me) that I saved one of her deleted scenes for a book where she’s the main character.
Killing off—or whacking—one’s darlings (words) isn’t easy. Using them in another book is a perfect solution. In real life, I’m always recycling, repurposing, reusing items. Doing the same in my writing makes sense.
Blurb for One Red Shoe:
Wannabe writer rescues wounded spy while risking her heart.
Daria Mason’s life is too predictable. Nothing ever happens in her small Iowa town where everybody knows everybody else. But when she travels to New York City looking for a little excitement, she never expects to bring home a wounded spy.
From the moment agent Sam Jozwiak steals intel vital to US security from a Russian Mafia kingpin, Murphy’s Law takes over. No matter how he covers his tracks, the kingpin’s assassins find him. What’s worse than getting shot in the butt? Accepting help from an Iowa tourist.
Sam and Daria flee cross country with the assassins right behind them. Sharing danger and excitement—and a few kisses—with Sam soon has Daria convinced he’s the man for her. He thinks she’ll be better off once he’s out of her life for good. With their lives on the line, can she convince him they belong together?
One Red Shoe is available exclusively for Kindle: http://amzn.com/B00FDXRHZA
In January, it will be available in all ebook formats and in print.
Bio:
Diane Burton combines her love of mystery, adventure, science fiction and romance into writing science fiction romance. Besides the Switched series, she is the author of The Outer Rim series about strong women on the frontier of space. One Red Shoe is her first romantic suspense. She is also a contributor to the anthology How I Met My Husband. Diane and her husband live in Michigan. They have two children and two grandchildren.
For excerpts from her books, visit Diane’s blog: http://dianeburton.blogspot.com/p/excerpts.html
Connect with Diane Burton online
Website: http://dianeburton.com/
Twitter: http://twitter.com/dmburton72
Facebook: http://facebook.com/dianeburtonauthor
Goodreads: Diane Burton Author
Pinterest: http://pinterest.com/dmburton72/
Diane Burton is giving away a $25 Amazon Gift Card to a lucky commenter. To enter, use the Rafflecopter below or http://dianeburton.blogspot.com/2013/09/release-day-one-red-shoe.html
<a id=”rc-16cf1d6″ class=”rafl” href=”http://www.rafflecopter.com/rafl/display/16cf1d6/” rel=”nofollow”>a Rafflecopter giveaway</a>
<script src=”//d12vno17mo87cx.cloudfront.net/embed/rafl/cptr.js”></script>
The winner will be announced on October 31st.
Thanks, Kathy, for helping me celebrate the release of my newest book.
You’re welcome, Diane. This is great information.
Thanks for stopping by, Jolana. I’m sure you’ll see many changes from way-back-when. 🙂
It’s been a while since I first read One Red Shoe in critique group. I enjoyed revisiting the “orphan scene.” I’m looking forward to downloading and reading the new incarnation on my Kindle. 🙂
Thanks, Linda. Happy to meet another “rose”. I’m not sure how to check Rafflecopter to see if it took your entry. At the end, I can see every entry. If yours isn’t there, I’ll manually add you.
Killing babies is a hard thing to do. I often hope I’ll use them at some point, but so far no luck. I love that you do what I do with DVD director comments! I love the outtakes, too.
I tried to do the rafflecopter thing, but I don’t know if I did it correctly. AND, before I read the requests, I had already jumped over to Twitter and FB and did the Follow thing.
Wishing you much success on your book.
Smiles,
Linda Joyce
Also a Wild Rose Press rose.
Hi, Jessica. Yes, it was your question on FB & your blog about how many POVs. Sorry, if my memory wasn’t such a sieve I would have given you credit. 🙂 When I first started writing, all I knew about point of view was what I learned in lit. classes–1st person, 2nd person, 3rd person, & omniscient. Had no idea what people meant when they said stick to 1 POV for a scene. I learned quickly.
Hi, Melissa. A judge in the 1st contest I entered “showed” me POV by indicating each paragraph was in a different POV, including the dog’s! What an eye-opener.
Oh, I totally know what you mean about having to cut POVs. The first story I wrote involved so many characters that it confused even me. I’m in the midst of rewriting it now. I put a call out to blog followers and peeps on twitter and FB, and they all said the same thing. They prefer 1-3 POVs. Never any more. And the third one is only if their is an antagonist we need to hear from. It was eye-opening for sure.
All the best with your new release!
Jessica 🙂
I’ve also learned to tighten my writing. POV is a challenge for many of us. I’m glad to hear that you were able to change things to make them work.
All the best!
Kathy, your website looks great. Thanks for having me.
No ogre, Alicia. LOL Your input made the book tighter. I’m so glad you were my editor on this.
You are a terrific guest, Diane.
Thanks so much for stopping by everyone. I redid my website to include my blog and I was beginning to think the word wasn’t getting out for stop-overs! Whew. This is a huge relief!
Yes, I was the ogre who asked Diane to remove some of the scenes from other POV’s. It’s great to have a well-rounded cast, but as Diane pointed out, it can be confusing when readers dip into so many different heads. 🙂 Her book is tighter and even better than it was originally, in my humble opinion. NICE blog post, Diane. Enjoyed it!
I do the exact same thing. It may be deleted but it’s NEVER gone!
Thanks, Rose. Yes, we see the entire story in our head. We know what everyone is thinking. Hard not to include everything.
Oops. That should have read “maybe” stage directions.
Hi, Margo. I love dialogue. My first drafts are usually a lot of dialogue and many stage directions.
Hey, MJ. This has been so much fun, trying to find a scene that I deleted without giving away the story. I save everything I delete from a story as a just-in-case I might need it later. Of course that explains why we have so much “stuff” around the house. LOL
Ashantay, I do the same thing! While I’m arguing (either mentally or out loud) I gradually come to see the reason to cut. Sometimes I just have to talk it out.
It’s funny how all the scenes become important because we see the entire world in our heads. I really enjoyed your post, Diane. Best luck.
Great way of handling things, Diane. As my editor at TWRP always says – “Bring on the dialogue, woman!”
I love multiple POVs, too, Diane! I do find it interesting seeing the same scene from different perspectives. That has been one of the main things I’ve had to work on in my writing, but I have come to understand that deeper POV is more effective, draws the reader in more. My solution for deleted scenes–I put them up on my blog. For example, before my next ROCKING ROMANCE COLLECTION release I’m going to put up a few of the deleted scenes from my last one. Thanks for your thoughtful post today. I enjoyed it.
I always have a mental argument with the person who tells me I have to cut or rewrite a scene. Mental on my side. I don’t know what they’re thinking – thank goodness. Anyway, after I argue away with them, I realize they’re often right and do the work with a lighter heart. Still hurts, though. :>)
Isn’t that the truth, Kathy!
It is so difficult cutting scenes. It’s like doing surgery on your own body!
Every scene I cut was hard. But necessary. I recently watched a movie that needed better editing. Scenes that went on too long. That made me be more critical toward my own work. Ivan has his moments. LOL
So glad you stopped by. I love this!!!!
Love it! What a great scene – must’ve been SO hard to cut it. And I’ve gotta say, just based on this excerpt, I find Ivan to be a sympathetic character. 🙂
Thanks, Kathy, for having me here today.