Today’s we have Kathryn Bain’s original opening for Beautiful Imperfection. The cover is fantastic…that explains why it just won 1st place for the Inspirational Category in the “Show Me Your Cover” contest for 2013!!
Original First Scene:
Beautiful Imperfection
Teddy clutched the steering wheel and closed her eyes against the tears threatening. Her mind filled with trepidation over getting out of the car and heading into that club.
Could it be all the beautiful women entering Club Jetty or the thought she used to be one of them, but no longer? A lump rose in her throat. She forced back the tears. Time had come to “get over it.” At least that’s what Claire would say. But how do you get over something so devastating as breast cancer?
Fog settled in over her vehicle as she stared out the windshield. The street lights cast a yellow glow, giving the ladies who sauntered toward the club a jaundice look. They came in every shape and size. Most of the bigger chests were fake. How often had she and her friends pointed and laughed at the visibly phony ones, so big and perfectly round, like balloons filled with helium? The joke was no longer funny now that she was the unbalanced one.
The phone jolted her from her thoughts. “Hello.” She forced down a quiver.
“Where are you? You’re late.” The clinking of glasses sounded behind Claire Hoover’s voice. Tonight was her idea. She claimed it would be nice to have a girl’s night out since they hadn’t done it in a while. Unsure why, Teddy agreed.
She slumped back. “I just got here. I’ll be right in.”
She dragged herself from the car. Her nose wrinkled as the bitter smell of the paper mill from the Northside attacked her senses. The cool damp air sent a chill over her.
She crossed Bay Street, giving herself a pep talk. Maybe being out on the town would help her not think about it for a while. There might even be a reason to let go and enjoy a few hours of partying.
Two young men walked toward her. They scanned her up and down. One whispered and pointed with his head as they neared. Teddy recalled what her oldest brother taught her about snapping knee caps. She went over the move in her mind. A low whistle emanated from one as they passed by. She let out a breath when she realized they meant her no harm.
She caught her reflection in a window next to the restaurant portion of the club.
She straightened and ran a hand across her abdomen. The charcoal colored jacket covered any imperfections to her figure. She hoped they had the heat off. The last thing she wanted was to remove her protection. After another much needed breath, she lowered her head and joined the crowd of pretty people who made their way into the club.
You contact Kathryn at bainwriter@comcast.net or through my website at http://kathrynjbain.com .
LoRee, I cut because I was told the action happened too late in the first chapter for suspense. It was suggested I cut closer to the shooting. I was torn but chose to go with the advice of several of my critique partners. I sometimes second guess myself on it.
Thanks for stopping by and commenting.
I did read the book. Stellar. I’m curious why you cut the scene? It’s everything Delia said but gives away some of the later tension. By opening where you did, I was probably hooked on a deeper level, but with the cut scene I still would have read and loved the book.
Thanks, Delia for stopping by. If you do, let me know what you think. It took a lot of contemplating whether to keep the scene in.
Thanks for sharing, Delia. It’s a fabulous scene. And I truly do love the cover.
Not having read the book yet, it’s hard to say whether the scene should have been left in…but it sure is an attention-grabbing one. Very well-written, and definitely touches the emotions. I think I shall have to read the book now! 🙂